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#soj spoilers obvs]

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ritzcuit · 4 months ago

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PART 2 of "looking at all the times datz says something gay or familial that drives me crazy." i guess?! should look at part 1 if you havent yet

soj spoilers ahead obvs. part 1 here in case u missed it

i skipped A LOT between the last post and now, bc datz doesn't show up for. a while. Well like he does a little bit but it's not gay or anything. it doesn't matter. what matters is that we're back in khura'in now, we're apollo now, and athena is here

and um, dhurke is arrested for murder. lol. but talking to athena in one of those "what to do" segments gets this.......

which up until this point i haven't actually seen yet. the noise i made. DATZ HAVING A HEART ATTACK? IM GONNA HAVE A HEART ATTACK!!! WWAAAHHH!! :(!!!!! THINK ABOUT IT!! THINK ABOUT DATZ SCARED OUT OF HIS MIND FOR DHURKE'S SAFETY. THINK ABOUT IT RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!! i don't exactly know what "wanted datz to go to him" means exactly. go to dhurke? well it doesnt matter i guess. cus the way they know damn well datz would freak out and try to bust dhurke out of jail...Sniffle... Sob........ i love datz so much.... loyalest man alive fr dont play with me

and then a Lot more bullshit happens, but good news;

theyre at the defiant dragons hideout again ^_^ with the photos ^_^ if you investigate them, you get this! here comes datz jumping at the chance to talk abt his (friend's) family again. the day WEEEEEEEEEE all went out fishing. shut up. WE!!! i always knew datz was there, in my heart, taking the photo... earlier, dhurke says "the three of us [dhurke, aj, yuty] living in the mountains", but clearly datz came by often enough. WE! WE WENT FISHING! WEEE!!! its just so easy to imagine... datz insisting they take a photo .. i cant take it... how many times was datz there. fishing w them. helping cook dinner and dealing w two rambunctious boys...crying

he also takes the chance to be hurt over yuty again.. datz has a lot to say about nahyuta.

investigating the sign [sic] gives datz a chance to geek about how cool dhurke is. "his fame as a lawyer spread far and wide!" i'm sure that's how they intended for datz knows about dhurke's lawyer days, but again, i like to believe datz was his weirdgirl. he probably was the advertising campaign if we're honest 😭

now we're talking to datz directly again ^_^ asking him about the sahdmadhi law offices. "and i quote" is so annoying. i know he's doing a deep voiced impression of dhurke right there. Stop memorizing shit he says. Gay

then! he says dhurke mentioned he wants apollo to take over the offices one day...which cute and whatever, but this isnt abt dhurke's dadliness, this is about datz being such a FUCKING GEEK! he's talking to dhurke directly, right, so why are you gassing him up 😭😭 TO HIMSELF! HE'S DHURKE! "must've been because of you, dhurke!" he's too much of a good friend. he's convinced everyone thinks dhurke is as cool as He thinks dhurke is. it's insane. the fanboy behavior will never end

it's nice to see dhurke and datz interact too. we really don't see much of that in this game. dhurke always seems kind of understated with datz as compared to when he's being Boisterous Dad or Rebel Leader in public... how many quiet moments did they share together... just sharing news and shooting the shit...dhurke doesn't have to put on big leader charisma 'cause datz uplifts him no matter what. Gay

Why Do You Know That, Datz

well, it's obvious why he knows that. BC HE WAS THEEEERREEEEEE of course, as a friend of someone, you wouldn't be totally blind to how they raise their kids, but we KNOW datz was there running around! paying attention. noticing these things. crazy. knowing another man's parenting style is crazy. "that much i'm sure of" knowing another man's Thoughts is crazy. Gay

also just makes me emo :( datz rly got front row seats to dhurke's parental anguish. i can imagine a hundred convos just like the earlier one, where dhurke regrets it, and datz is trying to cheer him up, same as always ...

datz has a lot to say about nahyuta. (asking him about nahyuta obviously) actually it isnt that much. but it's so funny. him being a hypeman for both sahdmadhis is so cute... and also him seeming frustrated that he doesn't know Why yuty is acting this way...'cause he cares :( he cares for his yuty :( CAUSE HE HELPED RAISE THAT DAMN KID!

ill smack dhurke rn he pisses me off so bad sometimes. datz is out here worrying over YOUR CHILD! and you're leaving him out to dry :( datz really loves that family...thinking about him trying to nudge answers out of dhurke, but respecting his boundaries all the while...GRRRRRR he's too good for you dhurke. you need to treasure what you have

asking datz about apollo's biological father leads to another Datz Exposition Dump in which i lose my mind bc he remembers too much about this fucking family. it's almost like he cares for them or something. "dhurke's the kinda guy who can become%$^%&#$%^" THIS ISNT ABOUT DHURKE QUIT GUZZLING HIM FOR 5 SECONDS! STOP!

this part is key to me cause, again, WEEEEEEE. *WE!* it proves that datz had been friends with dhurke before anything happened... a lot of his Datz Yapping could have just been recited stories, stuff he knew secondhand, but being close enough with dhurke to help him look for an orphaned baby's mother While fending off accusations of terrorism..... it's key. real ones get it. it isnt just "oh datz is a family friend" it's "datz was there at the beginning of everything". before the dragons started at all! Gay

presenting dhurke's law book gets this. not explicitly dhurke guzzling rly but idgaf. I also refuse it being metaphorical. give datz a gay chest tattoo. COWARD! just imagine it. how intimate it would be... who was doing the tattoos for the dragons at that time anyway? a stick n poke by dhurke would be cool and badass, but then asking dhurke to do a whole chest piece on his best friend... dhurke's like, "are you sure? that's ... pretty intense," but datz's burning passion for the revolution is intense, isn't it? fellas is it gay to impart your personal symbol of revolution onto your best friend's chest by candlelight? because i'm making it by candlelight now? Hello

presenting amara's assassination file. "i got the whole thing memorized" i should smack him genuinely. ive had enough of this man for real. CUS WHY ARE YOU MEMORIZING THAT? his loyalty knows no bounds. also datz sad about yuty again.. omfg i know he is SO SAD about that boy

he is genuinely the sahdmadhi's number one fan. him being dhurke's boyfriend would be less gay than what he has going on now. like despite everything there's still Something to be proud of yuty for...even if it's being a turncoat enldkfngd ... datz cant help it...that's his lil baby 😭

there isn't a lot left in the way of like, anything, but there is this

datz coming in at the last second with Dhurke Can Do No Wrong again. not very gay but i do like them existing together :)

he's just so. ugh. i wonder what happened here so bad. how did dhurke and datz meet up at all? but dhurke asked datz to break him out and datz was like OKAY YAY ^_^ bc he probably was itchy about dhurke being in custody at all. sorry aj! objectively it looks bad but datz is, i think, incapable of seeing dhurke in a critical eye, so he just assumes dhurke's Got A Plan and he's totally coming back 'cause why wouldn't he :) he doesn't even think dhurke got caught again or anything. hes like. well surely dhurke did escape, because he's dhurke and he's the coolest most capable amazing perfect man in existence. Obviously

(those who know..)

honestly, a little underwhelming all things considered, he bounces back immediately right after this because he is A Freak. well, no, it's bc he knows damn well it's what dhurke would have wanted, dragon yielding and whatnot. but seeing his sad little face devastates me. he tries to put on a determined face at first, only to revert back to this sad pensive sprite... datz... honey....

how freaky is it that datz was running around with the ghost of his bestie without even realizing it? well, that dhurke's been dead for so long... even "you're a sight for sore eyes" is with ghost dhurke, right?!

oh he got over it

"like how dhurke always wanted" WHAT ABOUT YOU. DATZ. YOU. AS A PERSON. YOU ALSO WANTED THIS. YOU COULDNT SAY "WE"? well it's in memory of dhurke, right? to honor his death? that makes sense. surely this is the last time he attributes something to dhurke specifically

STOP

and that, actually, is it. well roughly? considering i found a new section of dialogue that i totally missed up until this point, i wouldn't be surprised if something slipped my mind. I also have no idea if this was worth anyone's time, but i had fun with it anyway :3

if u read this far then cheers!! if u have any thoughts abt these specific morsels then tell me about them..!! again, like, i know it is Literally datz's purpose as a character to be the sahdmadhi lore dump in lieu of dhurke and yuty, but that just means they created an uncle who loves that family with all his heart. if we ever EVER!!!!! got any canon acknowledgement of khura'in again, which i doubt we will, i'd pray and beg for another crumb of datz content. please...

#ace attorney#spirit of justice#datz are'bal#dhurke sahdmadhi#apollo justice#nahyuta sahdmadhi#dhurkedatz#the gif at the end is Not Canon i made tht with my bare hands. Sigh#cheers to two oomfs who encouraged me to do this. its their fault

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namnomm23 · 2 years ago

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told myself i’d do this later n completely forgot abt it pfidjsjjs

last song: ‘here’s where the story ends by the sundays’ it fills me w sm joy n whimsy :3 i love it sm

currently watching: I HAVE AN AWFUL PROBLEM W STARTING THINGS AND NOT FINISHING THEM but rn sonic prime, heavenly delusion + rewatching lovely complex

currently reading: i don’t read much tbh but ‘heaven by meiko kawakami’ + i just finished catching up on witch hat atelier today

current obsession: ACE ATTORNEY i’ve been speedrunning the games bc i hate having to save myself from spoilers i’m on case 3 in soj so i’m getting there 😭 also twst and stl obvs

mmmm i don’t interact w ppl tbh hfjdjsjsjs (so i’m reaching out)

tagging: @meowyoi @ogatakanna @solaaresque @bearnarrow @ryusei-nerd

Tag nine (9) people you'd like to know better

this is so cool yay :’}

Last song: dokukinoko densetsu by syoko hoshi !

Currently watching: chicago med anddd my happy marriage

Currently reading: i was adopted by the villains . i think.

Current obsession: probably mlbb, obey me?? and chmed :)

i definitely dont have. 9 ppl to tag but!! @gentlesakura @fluffabutt @chickenpuzzle @lostacelonnie <3

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heartkeys · 5 years ago

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ok another thing i can’t stop thinking about: Apollo is named after the god of, among other things, music. His real dad was a musician. He’s in love with a rock god who’s named after a piano.

Putting that together with the fact that he calls his yelling practice“Chords of Steel”....what if he started a metal band with Klavier after the events of AA4?

#aa4 spoilers#apollo justice#ace attorney#klavier gavin#klapollo#kind of??#apollo justice spoilers#sort of#soj spoilers#mine#something else that wouldnt get out of my head#i think either he would be the vocalist or they both would be#and klavier would still be on guitar obvs#this is also because even though i know the gavinners broke up i have a super hard time believing that#klavier gave up music period after that

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no-hetsplanation-for-aa · 6 years ago

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Maybe I don’t have the right (wright) to be upset about this, considering maya is still evidently a near and dear friend to phoenix, but...the way he talks and thinks about her sometimes still bothers me very much because of lines like these

#soj spoilers /#its inner monologue stuff but....hmmm#i dunno like maya and nick obvs have kind of a sibling dynamic but i feel like he sees#her as a little kid who needsto grow up

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pinksweatergettingbetter · 8 years ago

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ah i almsot forgot: warning, the following has mainly snarky opinions on Spirit of Justice. Reader discretion is advised.

and we’re back to our scheduled programming

time to be rendered unconscious against your will you lil shit

“i hardly think anyone could pass out from eating something like this”

clearly you dont know what world youre living in, Sadmad.

...also he... might be allergic, guys. ever thought of that?

yes, EAT! EAT OR WE WILL HARASS YOU, POSSIBLY INNOCENT BYSTANDER!!! YOU THINK YOU HAVE RIGHTS???? CRAM THAT SHIT DOWN YOUR THROAT BEFORE I DO!!!!

...uh;

FIVE IS NOT AN OCCUPATION!!! EAT ANOTHER BUN AS PUNISHMENT!!!! REGRESS FURTHER!!!! HFKJGU;SUUSRSO

coping jokes aside holy shit

don’t hurt this tiny boy!!!

i hope you all feel guilty for being such pricks.

look at him. he's curled up under his jacket like a traumatized baby

at least this personality... sort of aligns with how DID is supposed to work? But now i just feel even worse. Someone get that kid a teddy and a juice-box, stat!

“Its clear that none of his personalities could be the killer!”

A) one of the three could still be lying

B) there’s four so far, what’s to discount a fifth? triggered by... i dunno, a reefer brownie.

C) I'm actually glad he's not the killer anyway just wanted to point out the possibilities youre discounting there

i love that theyre playing the goofy X people music for a traumatizedfive year old who witnessed a horrific murder of a loved one.

“I believe the person who laid the cards out is the very person who killed the victim” WELL.... DOY.

“How quickly you move onto a new theory when your old theory proves false!”

WELL.......... DOY

I love that theyre all just yelling and screaming about murder while the tiny child cowers behind the bench

hello??? anybody with compassion anywhere? maybe in the gallery? a bailiff? anybody???

“his emotions are spiralling out of control! something must have really frightening him”

maybe

THE FUCKING MURDER????

athena youre a psychologist; dont you know anything about calming people down or at least putting them at ease? youre gonna put scars on this kid’s scars!

i mean at least Cody Hackins was fairly fearless and defiant about what happened to him and only really broke down once it dawned on him what he’d actually seen. Owen is clearly very, very upset.

i passed out *image promptly closes eyes*

“poor kid, he's absolutely terrified of something”

KDJFKLDGDGL

“whatever it is, it might be the root of his out of control emotions!”

DSHFA;SLGHOHSO GIRSHG’

“see, all we got out of this boy is a tale he dreamt up”

fuck off sadmad

(sigh) Owen’s on his side, Shisho’s laying down, just get to it already

“rotating your thinking about?”

“oh! you mean turning your thinking around!”

“yeah, whatever...”

(SNERK)

“like the forehead, perhaps”

is that... just a random location or is it actually going to come true

also, back at the office, Apollo winces and he can’t figure out why

oh yeah its definitely gonna come back.

WHOA; OK, MANHANDLING

MANHANDLING, NOT GOOD

STEP AWAY FROM THE ATTORNEY, BLACKQUILL

yeah just fucking manhandle the stressed out anxious girl. you piece of shit. i knew me being your friend wouldn’t fuckin last.

“MOTIVE, OPPORTUNITY, EVIDENCE??? IS THAT ALL IT TAKES TO MAKE YOU STOP BELIEVING IT YOUR CLIENT?!”

to be fuckin fair, cuckoo, thats usually what loses most cases.

would phoenix manhandle athena?? would he berate her and shake her into doing her best?? i highly doubt it.

“prosecutor blackquill was just giving me a pep talk, thats all!”

athena thats unhealthy

legitimately simon’s been nothing but unpleasant this entire time. its fun to watch him wreck sadmad’s shit but he needs to keep the hell away from athena. whatever protective, elder-brotherly instincts he had for her in DD seem to have stayed in DD.

man I'm looking back at my previous commentary and i was. i was just so optimistic. how foolish. franziska, bring down your lash upon this foolishly foolish fool.

atcuall dont i bruise like a peach

jeez now I'm imagining Super Dad™ Phoenix Wright cross examining Owen with Athena instead and it’s melting my cold, hard heart

“unfortunately, i spy nothing of the sort”

again Sadmad acts like if he doesn't see the answer, then it’s nonexistent

not very monk-y of you, Sadmad.

gotta admit, i love this unique murder weapon

ive actually nearly suffocated under soft, cold, gloopy stuff and lemme tell you, its not fun.

...i love that simon took that logic-attack for us

maybe the animators just wanted to play his OH SHIT animation again

i know it looks like i pick on everything but in fact i edit these down. sometimes i take out whole statements because i rationalize them and realize that theyre actually plausible and i let them slide. so just, y’know. if you think I'm just blindly going at it, i am actually giving this game the benefit of the doubt. you just dont see it.

...if you read these

...uh

they used the pre-prepped noodles in the fridge. c’mon guys, as athena would say: Andale!

“perhaps the victim was simply playing with the cards, and they hold no other meaning”

oh NOW THEY COULD BE UNRELATED TO THE CASE

OF COURSE, NOW THAT IT’S CONVENIENT TO YOU

you sack’a shit

nice cliffhanger, kid.

Oh well; I’m partially glad that the poor lil guy can get a rest, and partially upset that his last two surfaces put him through intense anguish. maybe get Uendo drunk and go to the theatre or something, guys. poor baby could use a pick-me-up.

n no–– rise from the ashes flashbacks–– RISE FROM THE ASHES FLASHBACKS

THE LUNCHBOXES

SO MANY LUNCHBOXES

AAAAAHHHHhhhhi gotta give bucky a hand; being drunk and riding a skateboard while supporting a tower of bentos isn’t an easy feat

ew slurping

and simon extends his douchiness to the guys he's even shafting Athena for.

just, fuckin, lighten the fuck UP simon, CHRIST

TIDDIES

seriously tho; we haven’t had a proper boob joke in ages. actually Geiru kinda reminds me of April May...

Meanwhile we’ve had several testicle references, a drunk guy, and the bloodiest overarching plot the series has ever had. I think we’ve left Ace behind and graduated to Edge Attorney

to be fair the judge could totally be talking about her actual rubber balloons, considering his childlike personality at times. so maybe ITS YOU, SADMAD, WHO’S THE VULGAR ONE!

GET YOUR MIND OUTTA THE GUTTER!!

bloooon. i think Drifloon says that, too. Is that a japenese onomatopoeia or something?

ooh he sadMad

heh

i guess its up to simon’s brilliant mind tricks to save us again..?

...yehhhh i knew it

...huh. didnt expect that. impressive use of air...sword... skill.

IM NOT A KOORAHEENIST, SHE’S NOT GONNA HEAR ME ANYWAY.

i know what theyre building up and yes, i am super excited to see all those balloons pop

...i gotta ask tho, why does Athena think those balloon animals are bad?? theyre extremely intricate and they look a lot more like the thing she promised than most of the ones ive seen.

aw no the cake disappeared. i want a huge explosion at the end!!

“I’ma cut ya, witch!”

...

.....

........

i uh, i have to um,,,,,,, go now

SHES GONNA CUT OFF A TIT

GIRD YERSELF ATHENA

me, into my DS mic: HOLD IT. Hold IT. Hold it. hold it... hold it... bold it

athena; HOLD IT

simon: athena youre stupid do something. I'm not helping you.

simon: this time I'm going to do something, but god forbid you dont run with it

i dont think we’ve ever had a co counsel add something to the testimony for us before. we’ve had them hint at answers and interrupt trials to get us out of tight spots, but never directly ordering something like that. Guess that proves just how highly BK thinks of Athena’s abilities......

ooh the cakes back and there was a pop

im super ready for this

shit thats a strong balloon. i wouldn’t advice biting very thing plastic...

............

the... fuck???

sadmad: here is what will prove that Geiru IS NOT the murderer!

(geiru reveals buckwheat allergy and ACUAL RED HAND)

how the fuck does that help your case, Sadmad?? We know that the killer used the dough to kill the master by suffocating him with it. Pointing out that she came into contact with the dough, WITH HER HANDS, ISPROVING SHE DID IT.

YOU JUST GOT HER CAUGHT LITERALLY RED-HANDED.

HOW DOES THIS HELP YOUR CASE??????

ok well apparently she could die just by being in the room but if we look at how badly her hand has reacted, and is still reacting, Geiru should probably have at least some difficulty talking if“breathing in the flour” was dangerous. If her hand reacted that badly from minor contact, her throat should be shut like a steel trap. what I'm saying is, she’s probably lying about the severity.

“As if I would do anything so underhanded”

oh sad-‘trigger my enemies into yielding’-mad, youre hilarious

y’know i just realized, it is a little insensitive of Taifu to make/buy/keep soba around the place. if Geiru is this deadly allergic, he’s risking killing her simply because he can’t give up his precious noodles. thats like living with someone with a deadly peanut allergy and being all“can’t get enough of my PBnJ!!”

its time for

Off!

Brand!

Logic!!!!

oh. its not. ...ok

hang on didnt she say the dough was udon already, or am i misremembering? if she did and everyone just forgot, thats a little sad.

anyway, i guess thats... an alright twist. i still say that saying your witness is allergic to something and showing a reaction on the body part associated with the murder is stupid thing to do.

“dont lose your nerve now. keep charging forward or you'll feel my blade at your back”

I'm just gonna let that speak for itself.

ah THERES the off brand logic. and we’re finally gonna talk about those fucking noodles in the fridge. its been a long time coming.

i like that‘ramen’ is a third choice every time

that was a pretty involved murder.“alright, kill the old man, hmm hmm... make a dish that i’m deathly allergic to to throw of the scent; just gotta get the cooking! make sure Uendo doesn’t wake up and catch me in the act~~ get rid of the dough in a way that is probably time consuming, lalala~ and there! Blooooon, the perfect crime!”

how much time did she have??

also how much blood did she lose form that knick on her forehead? if its enough to permeate an entire clump of dough, she should probably need a transfusion.

simon: dog pun. have you figured out the twist yet???? DOG PUN, BY THE WAY. JUST SO YOU KNOW.

all the balloons are there. its time.

seriously, thats gotta be a lot of blood. I'm getting Gingerdead Man flashbacks.

“i wanna thank you, simon. without your constant abuse, i wouldn’t have been scared enough to succeed for fear of what would happen if i failed!”

...its a bit premature for breakdown animations; the police haven't gotten back to us about the dough...

...i didnt like this balloon explosion as much as i thought i was going to. this is kinda just... uncomfortable.

you know, she shouldn’t have resorted to murder or blaming the crime on an innocent, but I feel like Taifu should’ve.... Idunno, either Trained her properly or let her down easy instead of forcing her to be a sexy balloon clown.

It’s clear she really, really wanted to succeed her father’s name, (which I'm a little confused about; was he one of Taifu’s students? What is Uendo’s real name then? what is any of their real names...) so I’m sure that if she just practiced enough, she’d probably be able to do what she needed to get to that level of entertainment. And if she couldn’t, letting her down easy and encouraging her to find something she actually liked instead of making her do... um... balloons would probably be a whole lot less nasty.

also wtf uendo; what did whet ever do to you

man all of these people were kind of dicks. except bucky. the guy who came to his trial drunk.

Sadmad: Hmm.... upon further deliberation... seeing as you won... I believe I shall afford you a basic sense of human respect..................

Athena: thats all I ask, prosecutor sadmahdi!

heyy he’s sobered up! or should I say... SOBA’D UP AAAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH but seriously i don’t think they’ve said drunk or hungover once in this entire case what the fu

“no way... i almost got convicted out of convenience?” you, larry butz, maggey byrde and a shit tonne of other characters in the series. its actually a fairly common occurrence.

“he didn’t give her the name because he wanted geiru to find her own calling in life...”

...you know. after foisting a sexy balloon routine on her. to encourage her to quite entertainment.

obviously Taifu was using the Simon Blackquill approach to encouragement.

“making udon was his way of showing his support of her in her new endeavour”

...what does that... mean

“oh, i’ll make safe dough instead of the stuff THAT KILLS HER to prove that i support her!”

genius

“So this entire situation happened because of a misunderstanding? How sad...”

i think you mean,,, hhhh

i hate misunderstanding plots so so much

this entire case is just“he was being an asshole to ENCOURAGE you, see!! now you HAVE to forgive him!!”

newsflash: no i dont. you know what works better than fear tactics, threats and coercion?

BEING ACTUALLY SUPPORTIVE

“he probably used some tough love on you so that the shop wouldn’t just go belly up”

I SAID SUPPORTIVE. ARE YOU DEAF???

see? athena is being a little misguided but at least she's using a positive -food- to try to accomplish something.

“i’ll make sure its got all the TLC Master Toneido would’ve packed in it, too!”

you got it! one ice-cold, bitter, al-dente bowl with a side of vinegar, comin’ right up!

no athena!! brand loyalty!! mr eldoon will never forgive you!!!

“do us all proud, bucky”

or else

(flashes air sword)

Athena: I wonder if this gave me any experience as a lawyer...

Simon: HAHA WRONG, IF I HADN’T BEEN THERE YOU’D HAVE HAD THE SHIT KICKED OUT OF YOU. YOU SUCK, ATHENA, AND YOU DO EVERYTHING WRONG. FUCK YOU~!

see what annoys me about this is that when I first played Athena, I had some issues with her being too inexperienced to be a proper lawyer, especially with her court-related PTSD which could seriously endanger her clients.

However... Why are they bringing up her lack of experience in the one case (it’s not even a full case) in a game that isn’t even about her? And ignoring all the progress she made in Dual Destinies?

The way they’re talking about it is as if theyre setting up some kind of sequel;‘you need to improve athena, you need to practice’. Which would have been all well and good for one of the cases in the first run of her own game... but Athena has been and continues to be a side character to Apollo and Phoenix. Rather than this moment coming at a crucial moment in her own game, it comes out of nowhere during a case she got last minute, couldn’t have prepared for, and is abused throughout.

what I'm saying is, the ghosts of DD past has come to haunt us. They introduced Athena too early and are bungling up her character development. Lawyers need a full set of games to let them grow. Just make an actual Apollo Justice 2 or Athena Cykes 1, but don’t insult us by pretending that this five minute shit actually did either of them justice.

Simon: I hope you stay shitty so that I can always win

brilliant.

you know, usually when a character is jerk with a heart of gold, that‘heart of gold’ thing is supposed to show up at the end.

i was going to ignore the horrible joke but then Widget said“ROTFL”

what a... great way to end this....... great case

and so we close this one off, and for a case about tasty food, it sure left a bitter taste in my mouth.

#sulking over SOJ#soj spoilers#soj spoilers obvs]#i had so many hopes simon

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pinksweatergettingbetter · 8 years ago

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warning, the following has mainly snarky (and possibly furious) opinions on Spirit of Justice. Reader discretion is advised.

alright... here we go. we’re starting the big one. this... thing is almost over.

we’re going back to........ kooraheen to finish this.

time to strap in for the long haul.

did Dhurke hijack the PP show or was he just watching it and he decided to make that speech at his TV

i honestly can’t tell because of the weird way the scene was set. it looks like a reflection from a TV screen, but it also fades like a broadcast being intercepted...

fuck I'm just distracted by Dhurke’s stupid voice. and uncomfortable at the actress playing Rayfa. imagine being the princess and having your favourite show turn you into a weird damsel in distress being manhandled by ninjas. gross.

also yay! they’ve got the indiana jones orb!! time to melt off some faces...

ok it was a hijacked show... ...why is there a news report on this in America? Are American troupes assisting in the Kooraheenese war?

“Daaaa-aaaad. What’re you up to thiiiiis time???”

i love how not-giving-a-shit-about-it apollo is here. and by love it i mean hate it.

oh, your long-lost adoptive father just happens to pop up on television starting a revolution, and this is the first time you’ve heard from him in like 20 years? huh, no big deal.

AND ACE ATTORNEY TURNS INTO THE JERRY SPRINGER SHOW

oh noooo... he’s one of THESE guys... ururughhhhghghgh

“Wait... don’t tell me you haven’t told anyone about me, son?”

“I’m sorry, dad, it’s just you didn’t exist up until now...”

“you just show up here without warning after all this time... what gives?”

apollo’s got a point there, pa. also Dhurke’s theme reminds me of Coach Oleander’s from Psychonauts

Apollo just instinctively knows that nobody wants to be around him unless they’re getting labour out of him. That’s... honestly really depressing. I mean I know it’s supposed to be a joke but I just can’t bring myself to laugh.

its just... apollo is legitimately so bitter and sad that i just feel awful for him.

yeesh... this whole thing just started off super sour.

wait, the piano has sentimental value to phoenix? they mentioned he never practiced on it and he didn’t like being a piano player... does that mean this piano is something phoenix just happened to own, and has its own backstory? I WANNA KNOW

(snerk)

ok thats mean but it did make me laugh

the JACKET IS APOLLO’S

IT IS APOLLO’S

HOLY SHIT

the rest of this case can be total shit but at least we figured out the mystery of the discarded red jacket.

“our houseplant was called apollo”

“was it a cactus?”

“How’d you guess?”

“cause apollo doesn’t get enough hugs, either!”

apollos dad is so cool he reads his son’s personal shit out loud. what a great guy!

“That’s too bad! You seem like you’d be a fun, cool guy to hang out with!”

when he wasn’t being a rebel and not having time for his kids, obviously.

THERE IT IS!

siblings dont know theyre siblings joke is funny both normally and ironically because the writers need to FUCKIN GET ON THAT

also i love that he’s basically like“hey son, this girl doesn't resent me! you should marry her so that i can continue to get favours out of you!”

“What did Mr. Dhurke mean when he said he was the man who raised you, apollo?” i dunno, trucy... think with your mind brains...

“How come you never told me?!”

“Sorry, it’s just, capcom hadn’t butchered my backstory at that point yet.”

I honestly find it really weird that Trucy’s all chirpy about this. She of all people should know the sting of a dad just up and disappearing on you.

Dhurke: I have to steal this orb. I’m asking you two because youre lawyers.

Kay Faraday, sitting in the Capcom warehouse: (sneezes)

Dhurke: I made a stupid gamble. Hope you can bail me out, son I haven’t seen in 20 years!

nooo.... don’t bring Kurain Village into this, pleeeeaaase... I don’t want to have my favourite village ruined for meeeeee....

:3c i chose nope

i wonder what Trucy would do if Zak waltzed in and immediately asked her for a favour. tbf phoenix would probably launch him into the sun before he could set foot into the office but...

Ok... So Dhurke doesn’t actually want to fix the legal system; he just said that he wants to gain immense spiritual power which will somehow give him the legal authority to RULE Kooraheen.

how does spiritual power have any effect on land deeds anyway?

“Only the rulers of Kooraheen have ever laid eyes on the orb, Apollo”

and Ahlbi’s seen the box.

“I figured you were poor as fuck so I brought you a plate of sushi!”

ok either A) He thought so little of Apollo that he assumed he’d just be starving on the street

or B) He’s been keeping tabs on Apollo and knows that the WAA doesn’t make a lot of cash, yet he hasn’t made any attempt to contact Apollo himself. Until he needs a favour.

what a.... great guy.

what the FUCK

“here, as my second present... a PICTURE OF YOUR REAL DAD, THE ONE WHO CARED ABOUT YOU AND IS DEAD. HOORAY!”

i can tell theyre trying to do the‘Hagrid gives Harry a photo album of his family for comfort” but its REALLY NOT THE SAME CIRCUMSTANCES.

His name was... JJ.

~as you know~

also why would a musician perform with magicians?

y’know, ive seen pictures of Jove Justice so far. and A) he looks like a tool, and B) the designers were lazy as fuck and just slapped Apollo’s hair onto Phoenix’s face. I had a pretty negative opinion of him initially. I was thinking I wouldn’t like any ofApollo’s new dads.

But you know what? If they go deeper into Jove’s backstory and prove that he was a caring father, I’m ready to completely drop any criticisms of him and carry this guy on my shoulders

cause compared to Dhurke ill bet he's a freakin angel

...welp... back to Kurain village. At least it’ll remind me of bygone days...

...heh, aw. it’s cute. i like the sparrows on the roof.

ooh! an updated theme, too! not quite as nice as the original but it is nice.

he was full of piss and vinegar

jesus

yeah, kids run around naked. its not super surprising.

“man, I miss that hut...”

apollo youre gonna make me cry;;

Ema: :) i’ll show you the way to Dr. Buff.SURPRISE, HES DEAD! AHAHAHAHHAHA

NOOO

MY SYSTEM FUCKED UP AND STARTED ME OVER FROM THE BEGINNING OF THE CHAPTER AAARGRRJHRFJ

id gone on a short break and i come back to this (weep)

...

does Dhurke have boobs..?

...or just extremely prominent pecs...

phew ok back on track.

wait hold on. if Dr. Buff is in Kurain village, where is he staying exactly? All the houses in Kurain village are old-style Japanese; this appears to be a modern day number.

“please tell me youre joking”

“as if i’d come out here for a few laughs, Apollo”

yeah but youre not above leading him to the dr’s study and THEN telling him he’s dead WTF

ahah. further proof that stepladders are superior.

i mean i know he didnt actually fall off that ladder by accident or whatever but still

“you could say he died an honourable death...”

...crushed under his nerd books like a fuckin cartoon :T

YEAH

POPS

POHLFUCKYA

“I’m so sorry... It seems you’ve had quite a life.”

Why else would she say that except that some poor dialogue translator is secretly begging the series to stop fucking up his backstory

“I mean, middle-aged man with long hair and an eye-patch? You don’t see that everyday.”

just give Valant an eyepatch

hang on. why does an archeologist in America have Kooraheen’s founding orb anyway? I thought it burnt peoples’ faces off. And was super precious. Queen Garananana doesn't seem like someone who’d just hand out a precious ball like that.

oh huh they found an ugly dalek. thats two dalek references in this game now...

did i just... have a ladder conversation about a relic that looks like an airplane.

why does everyone keep making blithe jokes about thedoctors horrible death..? does that usually happen or am i misremembering

WHAT THE STATUE OF AMI AND THE URN AND THE GRAVY SCROLL ARE THERE NOOOOOO YOU GET YOUR SLIMY HANDS OFF THEM SOJ, PUT THEM BACK IN T&T WHERE THEY BELONG

god there’s even a coffee shelf. i guess this side of the room is the “Relics of a better game” section.

polly the clean freak. what a sweetheart :)

aw yeah baby

its printing time

oh yeah i forgot this version of printing SUCKS

but i do like the little pap sound it makes when you put down powder

...they have Datz and Dhurkes prints on file.

You guys sure rock at being undercover.

ill give them credit for having the Dance of Devotion not rhyme in English.

seeing lyrics again just gives me flashbacks to Serenade tho

Guitar, Guitar... Up together to the sky...

MAY-OR DE-WEY

MAY-OR DE-We

wait that has the same number of syllables if you just say the pun

PAUL-A TI-SHON

...why the fuck is he in a palanquin

anybody in a palanquin is bad news ALSO WHY DOES IT SAY RECLAIM THE GLORY OF KURAIN

KURAIN DOES NOT HAVE POLTIICIANS. ESPECIALLY NOT MALE ONES.

SOJ. SOJ WHAT IS THIS FUCKERY.

oh yeah he’s a bad guy

...king of this fine nation. First of all... America doesn’t have kings. Second of all, Kurain isn’t a country, it’s a small village. Either he’s a moron or SOJ is fucking up at unprecedented speeds

...did his theme song just‘wheeee’

“Jerk Q. Public”

pffft

i wish you were golden boy. then you'd be morally questionable but entertaining.

I'm very uncomfortable

k so we’re back in Kurain and so far we’ve seen Zero women in total apart from Ema.

even the unnamed heckler was an old man.

is this the same Kurain Village I know?

wh- talk??

what do you mean talk???

i dont wanna talk to this guy he's a dickcheese!!!

Trucy’s 17 and she hasn’t studied politics at least a little yet? ...weird

“Its real name is the Crystal of Ami Fey”

wait what

“It’s been passed down for generations in the Atishon family”

WAIT WHAT

is he dicking around or is he distantly related to maya

or is he just totally dicking around

if so how dare he use Ami’s name in vain.

where is Datz from anyway

paul i dont mean to dash your hopes but becoming grand high emperor of kurain village will in fact not make you king of the world

datz sure is a good rebel... getting caught... and put in jail...........

damnit, Vore Machine, what am i gonna do with you?

well Apollo, from demon to deer. thats not bad.

dog-faced cop..??

if youre very sneakily referencing our old pal Gumshoe youve got another thing coming, Vore Machine. In the form of my fist.

“A shut-in? Sounds like it will be a challenge just to get a conversation going.”

yeah.... not like youve.... ever dealt with someone like that....... before....... hehe.... heh..............

how long has Datz been in jail if he already knows the cafeteria itinerary

um guys; maybe you should be a tiny bit more concerned about Athena??

i just realized the Shichishito is gold. It’s green, you idiots. Or is that one too bent and bloody for display??

thats it folks thats spirit of justice

apollo has become a living title drop

hes fuckin dead

what kind of bullets were those

yeah apollo, a fledgeling is equivalent to a private.

...also youre not a fledgeling youre near full experience capacity. this is your third... (and last...) year.

so Dhurke is in full stealth mode until it comes to a remotely operated drone that could have literally anybody on the other side? brilliant, pal.

this is why yourrevolution’s taken like 23 years to get off the ground, jsyk.

...k komandir?

i thought you were supposed to be a parody of The Soldier. what are you doing calling people by Russian military names? did the red scare not happen in this reality?

pfft

it’s so cute.

im struggling between finding it adorable and being uncomfortable

“in other words, something caused him to withdraw from the world...”

maybe his mom’s death??? maybe?????

does anyone in this game understand how a bad thing make a peoples’ brain go???

pretty impressive that a woman’s body could provide sufficient cushioning to soften such a drop.

lol. death attributed to random maniac. thanks soj.

“Private Justice! You’ve suffered a loss just like mine!”

“I have... and thats how I know how you feel.”

yes, i can remember exactly happened when i was a one-year old in diapers. exactly the same kind of pain and trauma.

look i know theyre trying to have a moment but there’s a huge difference between growing up orphaned and being recently bereaved. Sure, Apollo’s seen his fair share of hardship and his experiences aren’t to be devalued, but it’s not the same kind of pain as having your parents die later in your life, especially with the mom’s horrific demise.

Honestly, it’d make more sense if he brought up Clay, since Clay was with him since he was very small and his death was sudden and deeply unfair.

BUT CLAY’S IN THE PAST, CLAY DOESN’T EXIST, WHO’S CLAY?? I DONT KNOW BACK TO SPIRIT OF JUSTICE

YEAH

POHLFUCKYA DURKE

dhurke the burk amiright attorneys

“the opaque crystal orb is the key”

>needless adjective

>will come into play later in court

um so nobody’s gonna mention the blonde lady on his desktop background or........

i like sarge. i hope they dont turn sour when theyre revealed.

nice boot

ooh phosphorescence! neato!

pearl: hello I'm here to do something ive never done before to provide clues for this case. i hope i’ve been useful! thank you, and goodnight.

...as contrived as this is, i am glad to see someone who actually comes from kurain village.

wow, the gangs all here huh

so they renamed Eagle Mountain“”””mt. mitama”””” eh

nice...............

“you are at that age, after all...”

says apollo who's like 24

also why is she talking about all the women leaving the village? i thought it was the men. is this why i haven't seen any ladies? they all just shipped off downtown?? and of course there’s no mention of the creepy oppressive atmosphere and strictness of the village...

nice alliteration apollo

rain spirit at a bus stop and you hacks didnt make a Totoro joke?? lame

“Dj’you bring a light?”

“Ņ̮͔̜̬͖̝ͫͦ̄̒̀̾̆̓̀ͤͨ͋̓̈̑̂͗́ͤo̸̵͈͎̤͇̤̙̯͔̙͖̞̳̙̠̹̞̲̭ͣ́ͫ͌ͦ̒́͞ͅ?ͯͩͨ̾̅̈ͮ̉̀̌͛̆͑̚҉̧͓̠͎̠͎̀̀”

how can you not recognize a foreign voice you idiot

“He tried to fucking kill us but he also gave us this flashlight. To um... see our slow death by starvation better I guess?”

“We couldn’t get back to where we started if we wanted to”

if you wanted to??? thats exactly what you want!!!

Klavier: Hello! This is flashback Klavier here to say: Don’t you miss me? Haha. I miss existing too. Oh well! See you next time~ ...i if there is one.

DEAD

aw, lucky you! you lucked into falling to your death directly to where you wanted to go!

“Yes! Time to find that orb! When we have it, we can....rot here for eternity.”

...ok i know the doc found a way out but still

wHAT THE FUCK

THAT HOLE IS LIKE 40 FEET UP

...oh well, if phoenix can survive it, so can they..?

i love that there are various sea-related items scattered around that give an obvious way out but only yield“durr??? a sea thing??? how this get here??????????” when inspected

whats with dhurkes’ magic eyes

mmmmmmmm a slide puzzle great

“maybe the ppictures correspond to the song”

REALLY??

what is with this game and not outright stating the obvious? its not like it spoils the player or anything; it just makes the WAA look like idiots

fuck this I'm gonna finish this stupid puzzle without this game’s help or die trying

...ah. my personal need for pattern and order blinded me to the truth

oh well; it’s open now. i’m gonna smash Eshiro’s stupid smirking face with it.

“opening that box means you're the best lawyer ever! enjoy leaving the series forever!!!”

“A royal stole that orb”

stole it... as opposed to just taking it and doing whatever they want with it because it’s theirs and there’s absolutely no reason to have to“steal” it.

unless they wanted to frame the rebels i guess but like. theyre rebels. theyre already pretty hated

“it would be seen as utter sacrilege to let a foreign man study this artifact”

oh also it would debunk that whole“explodes your face if you look at it” thing

...here we go...

“he used to be a nice kid, but now...”

he’s an enourmous shitstain?

“he tried to convict trucy for a crime she didnt even commit...”

ok, apollo. there are a zillion valid reasons to hate sadmad, and yes, his reasoning in that trial was shit. but just being a prosecutorand doing what a prosecutor is meant to do doesn’t make him evil. he isn’t about to just roll over because the defendant’s your sis–– er, best friend.

he... could be playing the long game, and interfering could fuck up his plan, Dhurke. Also how was he a rebel and then somehow managed to get into good graces with the royals? It’s already been proven that Dhurke’s Dummy Dragon Gangsuck at being stealthy or having any sense of self-preservation. I doubt they just wouldn’t recognize Sadmad

“it’s not conviction that fills his heart; it’s resignation and despair”

are you telling me Sadmad is the equivalent of a guy in a dead end office job taking it out on his coworkers

“The only thing I know for sure is... Nahyuta is suffering, and he is suffering in silence”

edgeworth: been there, done that!

blackquill: BEEN THERE, DONE THAT

ya sure put a lot of stock in Sadmad, Dhurke. i mean i guess he’s your son but seriously; if you're a proper rebel you’d cut your losses and get on with shit already with or without him

...y’know, this speech about lawyers being like dragons kind of doesn’t have the same emotion impact and gravitas that the non-dragon one in T&T did.

oh how... charming...

*America’s* badge is shaped like a sunflower... and Kooraheen’s is shaped like a buggy eye.

YARGH

dont DO that

your voice is BAD

“he’s my son! therefor he has to believe in the same thing as me! nothing, not even torture could have changed him!”

cue Gredgeworth’s awkward cough from the afterlife.

“You know, I remember when Nahyuta and I were kids, he used to say with great pride‘I have the blood of a dragon in me!’”

cue tiny apollo feeling left out and alone because he doesn’t know what kind of blood is in him

>reform court system

>rescue son

well... i guess there could be worse reasons to start a revolution.

“I mean, what are fathers for?!”

(‘I... I wouldn’t know...’)

WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT, GAME

ARE YOU TRYING TO BREAK MY HEART

YOU CAN’T GIVE APOLLO ALL THESE EMOTIONS WHEN YOU’RE ALSO SHAFTING HIS ASS AT THE SAME TIME

SHAME ON YOU

HE HAS A BROKEN ARM

HOWS HE GONNA SWIM

oh its high tide yay

oh it’s... really high tide

wow.

well this is fun. i daresay id really like this sequence... if it wasn’t in this game.

“oh no... the water might carry me up to the way out of here... how awful.”

lol can you imagine if this was timed tho

oh hey it’s the DD panic panic song. i liked that one. it deserves its spot in the suspense music roster.

y’know at this point i kinda hope he really just dies

wouldn’t that be a kicker

not that i hate apollo or anything but I'm just............... so tired

apollo’s pretty calm for a drowning person

i’ve nearly suffocated before and the only thing going through my head was AIR AIR AIR GET AIR GET AIR GET AIR AIR AIR

baby apollo: waahhhh!!! we’re both perfectly dry!!! the artist didn’t bother to make us look wet in the flashback!

A) Little Apollo doesn’t even call Dhurke“Daddy” or“Papa” despite being raised by him since infant hood, possibly meaning Dhurke gave him the‘You’re adopted” speech pretty early. Or else kids that“aren’t really my son” have to go by name basis. See? Nahyuta calls him father.

B) Haha! Boys don’t cry, not-son! Suck those sissy tears back up into your skull, or you’ll look gay! It doesn’t matter that you’re like five and you almost drowned to death! Don’t embarrass me!

“Don’t ever hesitate to call when you need me”

oh but apollo your ass gets shipped back to america tomorrow ok

no seriously. on one hand; why did apollo get sent away? why couldn’t he be a rebel alongside nahyuta and fight for his family? on the other hand, why didn’t dhurke send nahyuta with him? if apollo’s going away because it’s dangerous, why is nahyuta staying with dhurke in the path of danger?

to be honest I'm ashamed that I'm crying, but it’s less about this scene being sad as fuck and more about the fact that I know that none of this is ever really resolved. Dhurke is still a piece of shit who made no attempt to contact apollo for years until he needed a favour out of him. and Apollo has to live with this stupid backstory because ESHIRO thought it would be dramatic and cool. Apollo’sgoing to“go home”, leave the series... He doesn’t even know he’s leaving his last scrap of real family who gives a shit about him behind in America.

Apollo doesn’t deserve this.

Dhurke, with superman theme playing in the background: Redeeming my character! By saving your life! Redeeming my character! By saving your life! Though only a heartless, shithead person, would leave you behind to die! So this isn’t great.

...is he holding him in his broken arm

wait is that arm even broken

has he just been holding it like it’s in a sling for no reason this whole time

“Still can’t swim, eh?”

oh fuck off

“Good thing your name’s not Neptune, hahahaha!”

A) OH FUCK OFF

B) NEPTUNE IS A SEA GOD, HE’D ACTUALLY BE RESISTANT TO WATER

WHOA FUCK HOLY SHIT

vore machine came out of nowhere and oh

also he is also laughing at a guy who almost drowned

well aren’t these two just the greatest men on earth huh

Trucy: :) lets make this drowning thing seem like no big deal by playing it off and not even asking if you're okay at all :))))

great... now he owes his life to him.... that completely cancels out every other piece of baggage.....

remember........ when edgeworth owed his life to phoenix......... remember how he was 100% okay after that and not fucked up at all................ remember how he just popped back into the series without any changes whatsoever apart from being phoenix’s friend again........................................

“GLAD TO SEE YOURE NOT CRYING SON; IM GLAD YOU GREW UP INTO THE EMOTIONALLY STUNTED MAN I ALWAYS WANTED, EVEN WITHOUT MY STELLAR PARENTAL GUIDANCE! THAT LONELY ORPHANAGE MUST HAVE TOUGHENED YOU UP GOOD! HAH-HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!”

y’know in the interim i was thinking

Rebel Apollo would be great. he’d probably be an enormous goofus but at least he’d be happy and maybe Dhurke’s shitty plan would get off the ground because an actual smart person would be part of the team.

listen to that fuckin“we solved the case” music.

(sigh)

at least apollo is eating.

Turnabout Revolution... End

heh i wish

“Sure wish Nahyuta was here”

I don’t.

you fucking morons. you colossal fucking asshats. i knew this was coming

Dhurke: DURR LETS TALK ABOUT THIS EXTREMELY IMPORTANT ITEM IN A PLACE WHERE WE KNOW THE GUY WHO WANTS THIS EXTREMELY IMPORTANT ITEM IS! WHATS A STEALTH????

This is why the revolution has taken 20 FCKIN YEARS to take off. Because Dhurke and his band of nincompoops are all incompetent fuckwits.

huh i can see where Nahyuta gets his magic clap from.

also say it you loser say bitch

say bitch

A) If the“crystal” is a fake thing, his police report probably wouldn’t check out cause I'm P sure that people can’t just file police reports for anything without proof of previously owning it.

B) Dhurke. You’re a rebel. Shoot someone. Throw a smoke bomb. Gently jog away? Idk if that works in America but it sure as hell works in Kooraheen.

no. don’t do it. don’t you fucking do––

oh, i just saw a ghost.

The ghost of the potential any sequels past AJ had. It blinked at me sorrowfully before CAPCOM busted it and crammed it into the Containment Unit.

(sigh) Ok (most likely) fake shit aside, that would make Atishon related to Maya, and the“heirloom” would more probably be Maya’s. Why is this excuse present at all anyway it’s stupid.

Apollo it shouldn’t fuckin matter; it’s a court case. Just prove the orb isn’t the Crystal of Ami Fey and you win the case. You know that Phoenix doesn’t cheat and you’re pretty certain that the crystal really is the Founder’s Orb, so you shouldn’t be upset about anything. This isn’t a murder trial, it’s a dispute over ownership of an item. You know you’re in the right, so you ought to be able to win the trial. There’s literally no stakes apart from the fact that you’re facing your boss... but so what? That can happen... I assume, I’m not versed in that sort of thing. But either way, lawyers sometimes have to face off against each other... it happens. You had to face Nahyuta. Now you face Phoenix. Unless you think Phoenix will cheat, or that you don’t have sufficient info on the orb, then there’s legitimately no fucking problem. I mean yeah, sucks to go to court, but who gives a fuck? Win the trial and skip back to Kooraheen to overthrow the oppressive regime.

I don’t

what is the fucking problem

one of you gets payed, you both work at the same place

it doesn’t matter

APOLLO. You KNOW his methods. You know that he wins because his clients are innocent, and would graciously hand over victory if it was clear you were in the right; YOU HAVE TO KNOW THIS. YOU’RE HIS BIGGEST FAN, REMEMBER??

Unless you think he’d fucking cheat for a skeezy politician for money in which case, nice. Gotta love that trust and belief that DD was building up there.

“Can I do it? Can I fight him?” YES ITS NOT EVEN A MURDER TRIAL

“May the best attorney win”

well so much for finding the truth or whatever. Also Phoenix should be proud that Apollo is willing to go up against him; it shows he’s coming into his own. There’s literally no reason for them to be on shit terms right now.

“A fine mess I’ve gotten you into, son.”

Hey shithead that wasn’t an apology. Also yeah, go on and on about how good a lawyer Phoenix is just to scare Apollo. Brilliant.

“The first step of your revolution, huh?”

The first step. 20 years and he’s only just taking the first step. Not the first step to the end of the revolution; the first step to the revolution itself.

Welp, we’re off to fight over the possession of an oversized marble in court. Seeya next time i guess...

#ooc#sulking over SOJ#soj spoilers#soj spoilers obvs]#things we've learned today: Dhurke Sadmahdi is a lazy insensitiveincompetent pieceof shit

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pinksweatergettingbetter · 8 years ago

Text

what the... fuck?

yet again we start off with a cutscene that looks like its from a completely different game... or low quality anime

...why are we starting off in court

“who brings a defendant to his own trial late”

why... is this sentence not processing

for the life of me i have no idea what that means;

simon: you can just SCARE the judge into not giving a fuck about shit like being late, or threatening people under the guise of clever psychological manipulation!

also hi again simon

are you ready to be fun and likeable and not awful ?? I'm excited!

“i wish he'd stop treating me like a child all the time”

hey, old habits die hard.

simons already doing well by being an overprotective dork... so far so good. dont disappoint me, samurai.

our defendant is drunk

we’re off to an excellent start!

what... accent is this...

oh its drunkinese ok

“three sheets to the wind”

ive never heard that one

maybe they can get away with having a drunk guy but they cant actually say drunk?

somebody get this guy some raw eggs and hotsauce??

wow hes drunk enough to be close to vomiting? he’s not acting hungover so I'm assuming that he’s been drinking up till now. and simon was last with him, so...

yeah I'm blaming simon for this

“ive known athena longer than ive known bucky”

“ive frequented his soba restaurant”

contradiction! simon was in jail up until very recently, and knew Athena for a very short period of time during her childhood. unless he met Bucky right after taking care of athena, it’s not possible that he’s known her longer. that or i guess he could just walk right out of jail to get noodles.

“meat slapped between slabs of bread...”

oh no ya dont, translation team. you made your burger bed, now you have to lie in it. no mocking the joke now.

quit being so tsundere simon. and yes I'm giving you the luxury of being tsundere and not just an asshole who’d prefer the company of men he once tried to cut to ribbons just because Athena’s a girl. because I'm in a good mood today!

a) scariest ringtone to date

b) he runs that place alone?? sucks to be buck

please stop doing the vomit animation its making me uncomfortable

“this is no time for idle chatter”

oh simon, you obviously dont know what a chekov’s... um, conversation is.

wow so not only are we starting in the court room, but Sadmad said his prayers already. This is shaping up to be a rushed case.

...because obviously this is just filler before we get back to the Oh-So Delightful Adventures in Lawyer Land

edgeworth called him back for this case?? ...why???

Sadmad: I could be less horrible now that I owe the WAA a favourOR I could threaten to send a young lady to hell for just doing her job!!!! GO SADMAD, GO SADMAD

...dont call her a spring chick.

wait wait MAY 12TH?!

They just finished Maya’s trial and Edgeworth hauls Sadmad back to America over night?? How the fuck does Sadmad think he’s more prepared than us?? He had about the same amount of time to prepare!

I’ve got a good feeling about this case

Sadmad just let that poor butterfly rest jfc the aesthetic isn't that important

“this guy stole the deed to this other guys shop, so other guy KILLED HIM to get it back”

yes, brilliant deduction, not an overreaction at all

Sadmad, you literally got back here at like 1 am last night. Go fuck yourself and leave Athena alone.

So Apollo’s a red pepper, Athena’s an egg yolk... But there aren’t any blue foods, so Phoenix is just stuck being called‘putrid’ in general.

Anyway cut Athena some slack. She’s already progressed far beyond having a breakdown in court because someone talked over her.

SEXY PAN UP SHOT FOR SIMON BLACKQUILL,

“Simon!! You didnt tell me you were taking the stand!!!”

“There wasn’t time...”

no time at all during that 5 minutes you spent in the lobby. But I'm laughin’ so I’m not judging. Also I missed that theme...

AW YIS

THROW DOWN SIMON

he’s the lesser of two evils this time; I'm ready to back him up! Simon in the blue corner, ding ding!!!!

half-awake sadmad looks up“rakugo” on wikipedia at 3 am

“yeah that should do it”

...and memorizes the whole article apparently

(coughmartystucough)

Sadmad: No wasting time!! This soul must get to the afterlife post-haste! You’re all putrid lumps of fecal matter for putting off the last ri–– wait, an opportunity to gloat?! Hold onto your hats, baby! The next twenty minutes are mine!!!

(weeps) thank you Athena

simon will remember this (you blackguard)

sexy pan up shot for–– oh, it really is a“sexy” pan up shot this time

except for those... soulless eyes...

aw nuts she has that drone-y X people theme.

OH GOD

OH GOD YOUR BOOBS

THAT WOULD HURT SO FUCKING MUCH

IM CLUTCHING MY CHEST JUST THINKING ABOUT IT

but I'm also chortling at the booby jokes teehee

“Never show sadness! Smile, smile, smile! With a twisty-twist-twist!”

Hey, it’s the new motto of ace attorney! Your self worth is based solely on how well you can cover up your less palatable feelings! Yaaaay!!

...also I’m calling it now, she did it.

i think her balloons are pretty impressive, athena

420 WE GOT ONE FOLKS

“Sad Monk Sadmahdi”

simon, youre gaining brownie points fast

Lang Zi says... Oh, uh I mean, the Kooraheenist Bible says......

“I’m checking in with the big tough old man prosecutor because i underestimate this small, young, female defence attorney”

I'm getting flashbacks to Turnabout Beginnings. and not good ones.

You kick it, girl. tell them off.

nice! the judge is on our side!

why did she mention the dog barking a lot if it was only because he was hungry?

that is one hongry dog

something about the dog just burying the rest of the food is making me laugh

oh so that was important eh

hmm

has athena always done this double-slam thing, or is this new?

Athena: Witness, I think you might’ve been lying a little bit

Sadmad: Vile hitler-satan, I cast you down to hell for your debauchery, how dare you insinuate that this case has more to it than what is readily viewable on the surface? Tsk tsk, so inexperienced, so putrid,

“What? The gallery doesn’t get a say in this!”

They’re not a jury, you know!!!

“Why is the whole gallery siding with prosecutor sadmadhi?”

it’s because he’s hot, athena. thats the only reason anybody likes him.

tbh I'm actually pretty proud of Athena

same time last year Sadmad would have put her in a panic-stupor. but not today. Kudos on working that out, kiddo. You’re moving up!

...wait a minute

“with a little push, you could succumb to despair”

>despair

does Sadmad know? Does he know about her PTSD? If so... He’s deliberately TRYING TO TRIGGER HER SO THAT HE CAN WIN THE CASE?!

WHAT THE FUCK

oh boy!! OH BOY!! a dying message!!! THOSE ARE FOOL PROOF, AS PROVED BY EVERY SINGLE CASE IN THIS SERIES TO CONTAIN ONE!!

“That makes perfect sense, doesn't it!”

Yes... the man who suffocated to death somehow had time to leave a clue to his killer...

...you do realize that to be suffocated, the killer has to be there the whole time, right? if there’s nothing in his lungs and no trace of poison in his stomach, then it has to have been manual suffocation, either by strangulation (though we have yet to hear about any marks on his neck) or by covering his mouth and nose.

so youre implying that rather than fighting back, the old coot rearranged a bunch of playing cards... in plain view of his aggressor

yet again, Sadmad makes a brilliant fool proof deduction.

ohhh my god he’s still trying to do it. HE’S STILL TRYING TO TRIGGER HER. I SWEAR TO FUCK, he’s been tolerable–– very thinly tolerable up until now. But this is just disgusting. This is brazen, malicious cheating. I don’t care if he turns out to be jesus himself when the inevitable“urhurhur he was good all along!!” twist shows up; I’m not forgetting this.

Damnit , Athena, don’t fucking listen to him. Don’t listen to a word he fuckin says.

Man I’ve never been so happy to see Simon. Little bit of the pot-calling-the-kettle-black here since Simon’s MO is to threaten and manipulate–– err, ah, use psychology!! to influence people, but I hate Sadmad so much that I don’t care.

“To think, you were so easily manipulated by his parlour tricks...”

Watch it, Simon. You’re the lesser of two evils this time, but that doesn’t exempt you from criticism. As a psychologist, you should know WHY it worked so well on Athena and you should be SENSITIVE about it.

You’re cleared of all charges, remember?? You don’t have to pretend to be a douchebag to keep up your ill-thought-out plan anymore.

“I’m not girding up anything in this skirt!”

well i just don't know what to say to that

Oh boy here comes Uendo.

Everyone seems to love him so I’m hoping he’ll be a reprieve from Sadmad’s......... everything

Sexy pan up shot of... a guy on a bunch of flower bags. With his own theme song!

so far I'm loving his animations and I'm always a slut for shitty puns!!

let’s see... blush stickers for the goofy one, hair forwards and eyeshadow for the lady. Clever little things that make each one of his characters different. He's definitely a fun character so far!

ah I'm really enjoying his dialogue

ill bet the translators had a ball with this

won't you PLEASE laugh at my PUN!!!

its ok uendy, i thought it was good.

“Silence is more precious than diamonds”, eh?

I can definitely see which Sadmad values more...

ooh a spit take! not since godot have we been blessed... also i notice they've dialled up the rock guitar in Athena’s theme. Personally don’t see it as an improvement but eh

“yes, making it look like the man drowned was obviously because the culprit hated him and wanted to desecrate his corpse instead of getting the fuck out of there quicker like any killer would”

not to make it look like

he’d drowned in the bowl

to throw off the police.

of course not; that’d be too obvious.

another win for the great Sadlock Madholmes.

wait did Sadmad just say Objection?? I thought he didnt do that

also; duel of the growly voices

prosecutor sad monk.simon’s still a dick but at least his dickishness spreads topeople i dont like :3

ooh i love it when i can rearrange physical pictures

“you can put the cards back in their right place but if you cant explain them then youre fucked”

ever thought that maybe theyre irrelevant to the case and theyre just... cards?? sadmad??

i mean i know theyre not but they could easily have just been on the table when the murder happened. they could stand for absolutely nothing.

ahh... the sweet refreshing scent of common sense. you redeem yourself step by step, simon. i mean, when youre not being a dick about it.

“don’t testify.”

franziska tried this once. it was for an evil scheme. i dont want to have to threaten another witness with revealing a dark secret; that was depressing.

but at least we know meanwhile that Sadmad isn’t above dirty shit like shutting up a witness. .......not that we didnt know that before.......

“Are you trying to taunt him into talking? Such a petty trick will never work”

POT.

CALLING.

THE KETTLE.

JET BLACK, SADFUCK.

simon’s lucky he’s surrounded by idiots and people with poor impulse control, otherwise his“mind tricks” wouldn’t do shit

“to be turned by such an obvious ploy... what a man of weak spirit.”

for once, Sadmad, I gotta agree.

its time for

Artistic!

License!

Psychologyyyyyyyyy!!!!

sadmad doesn't get his way: my god will smite you later :(((((

now that we��ve worn this non-joke out...

“seeing my master asleep just made me so fuckin sad...”

i love that anger has such a distinctive ping sound

please do not call your toe that

“You gotta fuss over every tiny detail like this?” yes, Uendo. That’s why I’m writing these !!

that box of buns keeps drawing my attention. i love buns

Simon, you could try using some positive reinforcement. Mia wasn’t soft on Phoenix, but she encouraged him to think and puzzle things out for himself; she didn’t just call him an idiot. All the time.

“as sharp as a trout”

what the fuck

“so thats how it works ! fascinating!”

its not like i spent a lot of time working under the woman who invented said matrix!

its kinda sad that Athena’s never seen multiple emotions in high dudgeon

she must hang out with a lot of mild mannered people

athena: ive just proved these words mean something detrimental to the witness

sadmad: erm but they mean nothing to me therefor they warrant no further investigation.

???

i stg most of Nahyuta’s“”””counter argumnets”””” are legitimately just him trying to disparage the obvious contradiction away.

again athena seems unable to believe that people can only feel one intense emotion at a time

should i be worried

silly AA, that’s not how DID works!

oh well, at least Uendo is the fun kind of DID, unlike other... side-splittingly shameful characters I could mention...

Pohlfuckya indeed sadmad

ROLE CALL

“You seem proud of yourself, but all youve done is infringe on the privacy of the witness”

(sweats) i hate it when Sadmad makes good points

its not really dissociative if you dont... um... dissociate.

Sadmad: let it go and––

Athena: Shut up!!

Sadmad: Let it g––

Athena: Sssh!!!

Sadmad: le––

Athena: SJSJSJSJ

“if words will not sway you, perhaps pain will”

eject

him

i dont... like that... the beads are around her torso.......

YOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HE FUCKIN CUT THEM IN MID AIR

that deserves a fucking cutscene all on its own. its like the time Lang caught Franziska’s whip only cool and not bulshitty

...also you coulda maybe done that a lil earlier simon lol

“I dont give two flips”

all his flips have flown the coop

“but if Cykes dono were to submit to you here...”

DO NOT

USE THE WORD SUBMIT

WHEN PRAYER BEAD BONDAGE IS INVOLVED

fuck you sadmad, not everyone has magic gary-stu powers that let them memorize everything about a single subject in one night.

once again sadmad wastes precious time and diamonds showing off

after this lengthy, lengthy, leeeeeengthy detour............ wouldyouliketoaddthisstatementtothetestimony?

“you look like a hen with a dozen eggs to say”

you can just say“constipated” and it'll be less creepy, simon

how could they... not tell... oh who cares

“we’ve got you by the stones now, Uendo!”

DAMN the TESTICLE references in this game!!!

“heres a big plot twist that i just convenientlyforgottomention urhurhurhr..”

spoken like a true prosecutor

there was such a long pause there i thought he was building up to a pun

but of course he wasnt. sadmad isn't cool at all

heheh i just noticed that Bucky has hair noodles, just like Mr. Eldoon (tho Bucky’s dont appear to be a wig)

also its... very distressing to have a drunk client.

y’know i just realized

Sadmad is always talking about sending souls to the twilight realm in the proper way. but he's an international prosecutor. he’s probably prosecuted victims of all religious alignments.

isn't it kind of disrespectful to perform your religion’s funeral rites on someone who doesn’t practice it???

again, BK is only successful because Uendo is a moron

to be fair though, that was one of his better ones.

“You were leading the witness!”

I...

Just, fuckin’. Please stop making good points, sadmad. I don’t want to be enraged with you, I want to be enraged AT You!!

...well i mean I don’t want to but i hate it when you bring up excellent points.

anyway why doesn't sadmad want them to find Owen anyway. if it comes to nothing, who cares? can you just not stand having people whoaren’t you waste time??

again... DID doesn’t work like that........

macbeth, starring athena cykes and simon blackquill

hey i jusT REALIZED WHERE’S TAKA

thats,,, reallllllyy not how DID works,,,,,,,,,,,,,

highfalutin’

“if you see one, there are likely thirty in your home’

thirty what

WTHIRTY WHAT

look if you knew how DID is supposed to work you'd probably have a good hypothesis by now. not an... ethical one to implement, but a working one.

i guess Uendo just never sleeps then, because apparently falling unconscious calls out another personality.

...brilliant.

Simon: STOP BEING SO NERVOUS. IS MY NAGGING AND DISAPPOINTMENT SOOTHING YOU???? IS IT?????!!!!

the time honoured tradition of turning a slip of paper over... truly, this is an Ace Attorney game

dude.... if you conk out from the trace amounts of alcohol in a bun, you should maybe visit a doctor possibly

“hmm, yes, i will allow you to render this man unconscious from alcohol.”

classic judge!!

au where blackqyil is a very angsty delivery boy

BABY

THERE HE IS

MY PRECIOUS BIRD

I WAS SO SCARED SOEMTHING HAD HAPPENED TO YOU

...that bird is going to fly into a shop, terrorize the workers, steal bean buns and (hopefully) drop a twenty on the counter as he flies the coop

awesome

phew that was a long court... but wait if this is a half-episode (which it probably is) and it started on a court day...

no investigation?! RIP OFF

gonna cut this one off here. till next time...

#sulking over SOJ#soj spoilers#soj spoilers obvs]

3 notes · View notes

pinksweatergettingbetter · 8 years ago

Text

aight

lets ends this

i love that he's still trying to cheer her up with her terrible crossover idea

phoenix is such a sweetie

“...so we may put this dead lawyer walking out of his misery”

hear hear

just kill me already

“she's now slain two high level clergymen...”

one of which was a confirmed rebel but HEY whatever ITS NOT LIEK YOU KILL THEM IN GENERAL ANYWAY

who gives a fuck this trial is janked

“bahlgilpo’kon hell- the realm of eternal agony”

wow eternal agony is the bottom hell??? thats like the first hell in dante’s hells; youre soft as runny shit kooraheenism.

“there she will suffer the endless punishment of ja’gar by the galuun of Puhlmo’ten.”

SUBTITLES PLEASE

he was killed during the rite but they only found his body like two days later?!?!

what the fuck!?

...and wait a fucking second, he wasnt there when we were fucking investigating BULLSHIT

BUUULLLLLSSSHHHIIIIIIT!!!

two consecutive murders constitutes a serial killer??

every time sadmad sighs and shakes his head i lose a year of my life

Rayfa’s voice is so fucking unfitting; she’s got the voice of a 30 year old woman and she’s supposed to be a whiny-ass 14 year old

do these people know anything about casting??

is it really that hard to get a 14 year old to say a few lines? i was voice acting (not professionally obvs) when i was 14. i sucked, but i was doing it, and there’ve been younger kids working on real shows.

anyway

welp looks like this mcfuck is using a fake name

someone get on that

I'm sorry you’re surrounded by such incompetence, Rayfa. and i mean that. i like you now, youre kinda funny.

phoenix: plus, yesterday, someone told me how the divination seance used to work

phoenix fucking sucks at keeping secrets jesus christ holy fuck just SHUT UP ABOUT THE REBELS YOU MORON

if he says let it go and move on again I'm going to fucking scream

“haha! the police overlooked the clergy tattoo on the back of his neck!”

directly below the stab wound. the clergy tattoo. that has significance in their country.

Why do the Kooraheen Police suck so much ass? They can’t catch a running suspect, and apparently they’re all blind.

HOW DOES THE JUDGE NOT FUCKING KNOW A RELIGIOUS SYMBOL FROM HIS OWN FUCKING RELIGION?!?!?

[insert nahyuta eats (peach emoji)ass joke]

“aren't they utterly different shapes?”

...a... peach... and an upside down peach?!

nahyuta

im gonna blow your mind

this is called a handstand, here, do it with me

lazy ass parents naming their kid“real name”

fuck this joke country

this is some‘who's on first’ bullshit

RAYFA LUSTS FOR BLOOD

yeah it was freezing on that mountain, of course your estimate was wrong.

i knew this was coming...

hebLINDED HER WITH SCIENCE

BEEP BA BOO BA

“this article is small in size but huge in importance!”

just like my d––

How... did this work? They did a great job of hiding that wound...

also no blood at the“scene of the crime”

yeah not suspicious at all

once again the prosecution blames the detective for something they couldn’t have helped :/

GUARD YOUR ASSHOLE EMA, GUARD YOUR ASSHOLE

HOLY SHIT

INSERT REFERENCE TO ABOVE PEACH JOKE

loud ass clock inside a secret hideout? good one, rebels. super well done.

ahhhh

now that is clever. i like that

although, considering the length of that statue’s beak, he should’ve been impaled right through his body, so.....

you were close, SOJ

glad to see more clever twists though.

game ruins everything with blatant hints

there are other cases where they can tell when two weapons have been used on the same wound

why cant they tell now?

stone sharp enough to cut skin??

your hideout is fucking death trap

good going rebels

youre using serial killer wrong... again

thats a lie, nobody likes swiss cheese

LAY OFF CHEESE YOU PIECE OF SHIT

ILL RIP YOUR ASS OUT

“what you said is total bullshit!! heres what happened; this, this this. and since I said it ,its true! without any proof!!! SO THERE”

phoenix: VALID POINT!

sadmad: bullshit excuse

judge: sounds legit, overruled!

“jeez just toss me an Axe if its that bad...”

“plotting your escapee from this sacred hall?”

yeah well just run out

“you would pin a crime upon the dead, who you know tell no tales?”

did you just forget the whole

soul pool thing or

are you just stupid

aw baby here we go

stop saying 30% you dont know shit

oh my god

whoa whats he doing with the magatama

“wait... i think i saw something just now...”

what, phoenix

what did you see, hmm?

“the power of prayer! yes... it uh... helps you... install listening devices in your secrets base uuhhhhhh...ITS NOT WEIRD

“She has a way of putting me at ease...”

(weeps) my babies

(sigh) its the wife, get on with it

“long years of ascetic training have sharpened my ears”

god the training is more useful to Athena than it is Maya. this is depressing.

make like a mollusc and clam up??? who says that???????

boy you sure fuckin suck at this Mr. Inmee

judging by that KAAHHH Tahrust should have a deep voice, and DD had a deeper male voice blip... why aren't they using it? they've already implemented singing blips and tutting blips, did they forget about the extra deep blips?

or are those reserved for demons?

he is a ghost...

...how far along is behleeb anyway? either I'm blind or the sprite artist forgot to give her a baby bump.

hey yeah! she's barely pregnant! her character art shows that! so its not so much of a stretch that she could be running around killing rebels. Plus, she hasn’t been pregnant for two years...

...of course, its not her, it’s rUHEEL NAYMUH, but still. she’s not far along enough to be inconvenienced by her child.

potato potahto tomahto egg salad!!

stop praying at me, nahyuta.

dont you fucking dare...

dont you even fucking dare

THEY DARED

I SWEAR TO FUCK

i swear to fuck

so. youre gonna blame maya. for the actions. of YOUR OWN GODDESS.

WHO’S GREAT AND POWERFUL AND MYSTICAL AND WISE AND PERFECT.... UNLESS SHE’S BEING CHANNELED BY A DIRTY FOREIGNER?

i just i cannot express how angry this makes me. it doesn’t make any fucking sense and it’s complete and utter hypocrisy. it’s even worse than before; before they were suggesting that the person dressed as Lady Kee’ra was killing rebels in her name, if it wasn’t outright her. Now they’re suggesting it was LITERALLY HER, and remember, these people are UBER RELIGIOUS, and they still have a problem with THEIR IMMORTAL GODDESS IN THE FLESH exacting her divine punishment against people THAT ARE HARMING THEIR COMMUNITY ANYWAY???

yes, vigilantism is dangerous. but it gets a little more fucking complicated when you suggest that it’s the legit actions of an ACTUAL GODDESS.

and even if this is the corrupt government just trying to cover up deaths (which it is) why didn’t they just step in and go“Yeah, another Lady Kee’ra murder. All hail the marvellous goddesses. er diarrhoea kooraheen.”

it would be a lot easier and a lot less messy than taking a kid to court. why do they even want Maya out of the way, anyway? She didn’t know any of the rebels, and she posed no threat to their corrupt government. Yeah, Zealot’s dead, but they literally could have just hired another crazy assassin.

Unless there’s a REAL GOOD FUCKIN REASON for all of this, I call bullshit, bullshit bULLSHIT

i think it’s time to let your head go and move on to another room sadmad

at the same time

...plus they legit just forgot their own lore.

maya can’t summon Kee’ra if she doesn’t know what she looks like.

that was so easy i didnt have to even press on statements; thats how easy that contradiction is. thats how easy it is to remember something stated five minutes ago, and how easy it is to remember how your own religion works. you fuckhats.

oh hey i just realized Tahrust really does call Behleeb his“lovely wife”

aw. how nice. if only they didnt decide to scapegoat maya.

doesn't matter your intentions; you die if you scapegoat maya. you die by my blade.

you ok pal. is an alarm clock really the source of an evil laugh.

“indeed! we leave the alarm switched off at all times!”

why would you even have a clock with an alarm on it in a secret base anyway?? and how did phoenix manage to play it in the hideout if the alarm was switched off?

“those distinctive taiko drums”

fuckin’ finally

ive been waiting for that stupid watch to come back for AAAGEES

of course there was a reason maya would mention traditional japanese instruments...

y’know it’s funny that he would even make that fuckup in the first place. if he’s a plumed punisher fan, he should know how the theme song goes. his wife was at least a big fan, meaning he’d probably have heard the opening enough times to know that Taiko drums weren’t part of it. Furthermore, if he was banking on the fact that the two themes sound similar to pass off the deception, then it was a huge mistake on his part to define the sound as Taiko drums; thats just a needless detail that could get him caught out, which it did.

and if he just didn’t know, well... again, useless detail. always bad. always be vague if you wanna get away with shit.

ah... at least in death, Raheel Namer didn’t have to suffer the Plumed Punisher theme song.

i love that phoenix refers to the show by it’s full title. that’s adorable.

now what’s really confusing me is that that Photo of the fam is stated to have been taken during the Feast of whatever. Which is the same time-frame as Reely Real Name’s death. He’s alive in the photo, Behleeb is in the photo, and the Judge and his family are nowhere to be found. But all those things were huge parts of the case, and they couldn’t have eaten before or after because of the whole‘you can only eat Ghingil for three hours on that one special day’.

am I missing something or going nuts??

that said I'm so glad i can finally present this photo. it’s been gnawing at me as much as the watch thing.

“trademark topknot”

OH PLEASE JUST LET IT END

ffjglk dlg ljlgkd hey Tahrust do me a solid and just tell them how you died ok

please i have a family

i have stomach ulcers

off-brand logic

i totally forgot that was in this game too

wow.

“hmm, there’s really nothing to suggest a murder other than the red water in the spring, which only Maya would see and probably not question (considering this isn’t her religion and she doesn’t fuckin know how that shit works) and said spring probably empties somewhere, since it would be swampy otherwise. let’s see... i can KILL MYSELF TO GIVE THE RED WATER A REASON FOR EXISTING or do literally anything else... WELP, BETTER FUCKIN KILL MYSELF. ALL HAIL THE REBELS!”

...well at least he saved maya from contracted a blood disease.

tahrust must be pissed that his death came to naught when his own rebel pals gave the secret key to a guy who sold them out in five seconds.

never gets to meet his child... never gets to see the revolution come to fruition... never gets to live happily with his family... all because he couldn’t think of any other solution to protecting that shitty hovel behind a rock.

kinda tragic.

wish i was less angry

“there was no weapon at the inner sanctum...”

did everyone just forget the giant bloody murder statue???

pohl’fuckya sadmad

babe... oh no... don’t give yourself up like this

thats sad

dont

i feel the sad now

shit

“abbot inmee!! summon a physician at once!!’

HES DEAD

WAY TO RUIN THE MOMENT WITH UNINTENTIONAL COMEDY DUMBASS

“but murder sanctioned by the crown is still murder”

what’s murder sanctioned by a goddess? apparently you guys are ok with that one. oh unless it’s a goddess being channeled by a foreigner.

soerry im bitter about that one moving on now

he lunged at you from behind the stone slab?? nice trajectory moron

hang on a second he put reereenaymee’s body in the plaza before prayer time... with the dagger still in him??

HOW DID NOBODY NOTICE THE FUCKING DAGGER

“you need not frame the accused for your crime”

for once Sadmad says something smart

honestly... suicide really wasn’t the answer. even if it was to protect your wife there were,,,,, so many other options

for example, realname’slast moments, as we saw, made it look like he was killed in the Plaza of devotion. You could have so easily made it look like he was murdered there, by some rando, during the rite. The kooraheen police fucking suck at their job, so it wouldn’t matter. but no; you had to die, and blame Maya.... because she was foreign. A foreigner who came to you for guidance and shelter.

STOP AGREEING WITH ME SADMAD, I DONT LIKE YOU

“You must use your law powers to make sure no more innocent people suffer under this shitty law!!

...like Maya did!! .......because of me!!

i love that the excuse is like“there’s no way she could prove it was self defence in this government...” to make it all tear-jerking and point out how horrible and corrupt their legal system is...

...and yet, if we remember Reunion and Turnabout, which also included channeling and self defence... It was EQUALLY impossible for Maya to be cleared of the crime on self-defence charges!!

pot calling the kettle black, japanifornia!

“lol sorry for almost getting you killed cause i couldn't think of a better plan than kill myself”

yea thanks tahrust, coo-al

“I ask that you look after my wife”

er she’s... going to jail... she’s... been outed as a rebel... you do get that right

fuck you Tahrust, you made her cry

“now you can watch over me from the world beyond”

he cant actually, since they retconned spirits being conscious in the afterlife. good going, capcom.

oh man that cutscene was goofy. except for the crying

fuck you Tahrust

Maya: :D hOW y'all doin?!

also according to maya Tahrust didnt leave any regrets behind which means that he totally gives no fucks that his dumbass plan endangered Maya’s life and made his wife cry. Dick.

He doesn't even regret missing the birth of his fuckin child. Ass.

Sadmad: I owe a debt to you, one that I will return––

Me: Eat a rotten egg.

Sadmad: Wha-–

Me: Go on, master of putrescence. Eat a whole rotten egg. Consume it shell and all. You heard me. Insert the egg into your mouth and chomp down. Times ticking, I’m waiting.

i forgot about the stupid butterflies

“So I was thinking, Nick, the legal system here is really stacked agains the defence! It’s really unfair!”

YA DONT SAY

listen to this happy music playing as everyone is forced to come to terms with all this sad ass shit. also it appears we just forgot about that tiny matter of the government literally putting hits out. Rayfas dad. is doing this. Nobody gonna address that?? No? Ok

Maya: QUIT BEINA LIL BITCH

wait what

what is this new sprite

eurhg i dont like it put it away

thats not maya thats a husk of evil

wow. rayfa didnt even know why maya was here training. the bullshit continues to flow...

Maya: deciding what is true and what is false for your people...

the actual truth and lies, right? RIGHT? MAYA???

ergh this is so... corny? schlocky? it feels forced

“Sorry for almost getting you killed anyway VIVE LA REVOLUTION”

Yay! It’s vore man!! i kinda missed his stretchy face.

oh well that

thats just a really anticlimactic reveal of Dhurke

like tada! there he is! and he's gone! whatever; he's just been talked about in hushed whispers for the last case or w/e!

awww the bailiff thinks he can catch a running rebel!! so cute~

“The Steel Samurai vs Dhurke the Rebel!”

MAYA. THE LAST FIVE MINUTES WERE DEVOTED TO EXPLAINING THAT THE REBELS ARE THE GOOD GUYS. WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM???

i love that they keep hammering in that“maya has stayed maya”

see guys??? dont you just feel the magic of the trilogy??? ITS THERE GUYS WE SWEAR

Welp, thats it for that case. Now back to America, to visit Athena and BK, and hopefully to read a more enjoyable storyline...

#sulking over SOJ#soj spoilers#soj spoilers obvs]

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pinksweatergettingbetter · 8 years ago

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“spirit channeling is a special secret technique only to be performed by queens”

then why the... fuck... do they offer SUPER SPECIAL COURSES FOR SPIRIT MEDIUMS???

maya, earlier: “I feel like all I’ve learnt is how to be a nun”

MAYBE BECAUSE THEYRE NOT TRYING TO TEACH YOU SPIRIT CHANNELING

but wait

Rayfa, earlier: i hate fakers!!

well there can only be fakers if you won’t allow people to learn the technique unless they’re a queen!!!

WHAT THE FUCK IS MAYA EVEN DOING IN KOORAHEEN??? BECAUSE ITS NOT BECOMING THE MASTER OF THE KURAIN TECHNIQUE THATS FOR SURE

did the SOJ team even fucking??? play the trilogy???????? or did they get a rundown from some jackass who read the profiles section in the game guide????!!!

“thats why mediums who come here to train hide the fact that they can channel spirits”

thats. fucking. moronic.

thats like going to train in the army and having to hide the fact that you can SHOOT A GUN.

fucking FUCK does nobody reread the plot for holes before they ship the game???

phoenix: (wow i had no idea it was so complicated the writing was so bad)

“Either way, training here is a must to fulfil the qualification needed to become the master”

WHY

FUCKING WHY

YOU SAID YOURSELF YOU HAVEN’T LEARNED ANYTHING, YOU SAID YOURSELF KURAIN /SPLIT OFF/ FROM KOORAHEEN AND WENT TO AMERICA VIA JAPAN, CREATING ITS OWN BRANCH OF THE TECHNIQUE, AND FINALLY, IT’S NOT SOCIALLY ACCEPTED TO FUCKING TRAIN TO BE A SPIRIT MEDIUM BECAUSE ITS OFFENSIVE IF YOU’RE NOT PART OF THE MONARCHY AND APPARENTLY BEING THE MASTER OF THE FUCKING ART OF THE FUCKING KURAIN CHANNELING TECHNIQUE DOESN’T COUNT FOR SHIT.

SO WHAT, FUCKING WHAT, DOES KOORAHEEN HAVE TO OFFER, AGAIN???

“To be able to channel spirits of one’s own volition and without fail every time.”

AND YET YOU SAID THE KURAIN TECHNIQUE DIVERGED FROM THE KOORAHEEN TECHNIQUE. THEY CAN’T. TEACH YOU. SHIT.

YOU CAN’T INSTALL A MAC ONTO A WINDOWS OPERATING SYSTEM. IT DOESNT WORK.

also you’ve literally been able to do that for ages now. all it took was consistent training exercises.

“remember how my spirit channeling was hit or miss? how i only succeeded about 30 percent of the time??”

YOU FAILED ONCE. YOU FAILED FUCKING ONCE. THATS NOT 30% YOU IDIOT

‘(yeah and its more like spirits possessed her, as opposed to her channeling them)’

FUCKYOU

FFFFFUCK YOU

“and you can do it now?”

“yep!... well i haven't actually tried channeling anyone since i completed my training here...”

MMMMMMMMMMMMM

Look, SOJ team. If you can’t write a decent mystery without making up nonsensical rules and retconning the ever-loving shit out of the previous games....... then maybe YOU’RE THE ONE WHO NEEDS TO GO TO THE MAGIC FOREIGN LAND TO STUDY THE ART OF WRITING A GOOD STORY, YOU DICK SUCKING HACKS.

#sulking over SOJ#This is a Rant]#soj spoilers obvs]#i just. its so.... fucking stupid.#i don't even have a word for how ridiculously idiotic this is]#i get a bit foul hereI'm sorry]#but it just pisses me off so.... much......]

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pinksweatergettingbetter · 8 years ago

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MAYA I TRUSTED YOU

WHAT WOULD WILL POWERS SAY

ok he'd probably be like‘hehe; guess I'm falling further into obscurity thats cool i was never amazing in the first place’

“theres only one!”

...that is rare

“i traded my watch to my kooraheenese friend! it plays the steel samurai theme when it goes off!”

I SMELL A CHEKOVS GUN

“it sounds just like the steel samurai theme”

“no it doesn't!”

mayas right, it doesn't sound like the steel samurai's theme.

it sounds BAD.

seriously i feel like my soul is physically rejecting it

put your arms akimbo at me again young lady and ill push you into your magic soul pool.

“that whole séance thing makes trials completely different”

meh

speaking of trials, we’re back to trials! ya–– i dont want to deal with nahyuta

“you have to pitch your terrible crossover!! i won't let you down”

as much as i disapprove of the crossover let it be known that phoenix is a sweetie pie.

“The sacred murder dagger was used to murder someone?!?!??! BLASPHEMY!!!”

“The lowest level of hell; the Hell of Tickling” IM KINKSHAMING KOOORAHEENISM

“They shall not escape on their /redtext/ Freedom Express today!”

she did it yaaaaayy!

U R DIARHOEA!!! KOORAHEEN!!!

well i

i cant argue....

oh god no t voice acting again

LOL YOU CAN SKIP IT AHAHHAHHA

AND THE DANCE TOO HJDSJSFAKJ

guess its not *that* important eh

the entire court just called phoenix a shithead.

i mean people say“Polkhunka” when theyre surprised, and the term is “polkhunan”. so yeah. either hellion, or shithead. nice.

phoenix: this makes no sense

me: ooh i cant wait for the bullshit excuse!!

Well ill be damned to tickle-hell. Rayfa’s a television aerial.

oh i see how they did that. i guess spirit visions have steady-cam?

.........he ran right into it

dude why

i just love this.“yes he ran directly at the killer, to fight them! with his arms flailing in terror!! it might look stupid and fake but actually it’s kooraheen’s biggest martial art, RonDeliteFu!”

every time Rayfa does her hand-flinging-out pose i mistake her sash for a stick and i keep thinking she’s a muppet

“we can’t let the special fires go out, so we make sure to remove the glass around them every year on top of a window mountain so that a woman can um...... walk around it i guess.”

i hate to admit it but these stupid pond vision things are really stumping my blind ass

i stg pohlkunka is the stupidest sounding made-up expletive ive ever heard

id rather heard cowabunga every time something shocking happens for godssakes

“wow he really does care about ema”

hey show dont tell lol

“i cant believe he's come to understand their value”

uhhh well

they stated that they still hold investigations despite their magic pool parties, so uhhhhhhh yeah???? forensic investigators are usually pretty helpful??

since Sadmad’s catchphrase appears to be‘putrid’, i keep reading‘purification rite’ as‘putrification rite’

i cant believe they did a“what if... (EXTREME CLOSE UP ZOOM) PLOT TWIST?!”

STOP SAYING PUTRID

oh hey its dirty hobo man! ...also i guess the‘sexy pan up shot’ is for every new character :/

hobo rangers go...

...Nahyuta named him A’nohn Ihmus. A’nohn Ihmus.

Well that just cements my idea that Kooraheenians are just a bunch of Americans that stole a landmass and made up a phony baloney culture.

It has been confirmed that they are legitimately just taking english words and‘kooraheenifying’ them.

“i used my binoculars to spy on the rite at the inner sanctum”

A’nohn is just as perverted as his namesake from Tuhmbl’r

“Feh. I knew you were a fool...”

Cue Franziska crashing her plane into the court room to yank on Sadmad’s braid to scold him for taking her word.

“shall be reborn as a witless sea urchin with barbs limited to your posterior”

ok well sadmad, sea urchins asses are next to their mouths... on the bottom of them. completely opposite to the, uh, you know. Spiky part.

So I’m not sure if that serves to strengthen your point or just make you look like a moron

i mean i guess it served to enhance sadmad’s point since phoenix’d be totally smooth and unprotected, but then he wouldn’t even reach adulthood so that sea otter wouldn’t come in too early and...

...he just said phoenix will be reborn as not only mentally slow but also physically deformed.

...uh... nice one, sadmad.

AND MAYA PULLED A REACHAROUND ON THE PRIEST

YOU HEARD IT HERE FIRST FROM THE HOLY MONK, GUYS

to be fair, she could have stabbed him with a reverse-grip or not; one doesn’t have to hold their hand at any particular to perform a reach around

oh well at least the contradiction is incredibly obvious

at least hobo ranger has an excuse to use words like“bucko”

i hate that,,,, theres a rule against climbing the mountains during the rite. that means that there have been perverts of yore who tried to spy on the lady changing

hes gonna see her shad–– (sigh)

yknow, i dont think shadows are detailed enough to know which way someone is holding a knife.

also moonlight isn't that bright

DWAAYYYYMMMN

sasquatch’d!!

ok so... does happiraki mean“hello” or“hooray!” because its been used it both contexts

i just realized that the Plumed Punisher theme song sounds like one of those posts where someone takes a recognizable song and fucks with it in a silly way, like pitch shifting it at awkward moments or changing the key

i cannot believe i have to use a fucking walkthrough for this game. I'm disgusted with myself. I'm better than this.

“no one was allowed in there and the only way up were the stairs!”

ah yes, the unguarded stairs surrounded by people who had their heads down. in prayer.

totally impenetrable.

“What?! This is insane!!” no no, phoenix, youre doing it wrong. you have to say“this”, then sadmad has to say“is” and then the judge has to yell“insaaaaane!!” because its funny when one person says one word of a sentence each!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

‘rah rah sis boom bah, fight, fight, phoenix wright!!”

um excuse me maya who gave you the right to be cute

why does sadmad only have one hand-guard-glove thingy

“my bag of bluffs” is an interesting and long way to say“ass”

they put... a maximum security prison... on top of their holy mountain. they put their criminals... on top of their. holy mountain.

they put a jail. in a church. in fact they put it higher up... closer to... god.

what the fuck. the fourth one. only accessible by helicopter.

who was smoking what when they decided this???

(sigh) mmmmm id been waiting to use that patchwork quilt

“hell of hangnails”

not as fetishy but still pretty–– actually you know what that sounds kinda fucked up. isn't that just kinda G rated torture anyway

wow that incredibly obvious lie deserves the terrible pursuit theme??

maybe its the last one (i hope)

“are you the rebel hunter!!??!?!?!??”

um well no, unless the rebel hunter is a criminal. jackass.

...cutting dirty deals with criminals, are we, sadmad?

“haha, the fact that the third person at the scene was a wanted criminal destroys your theory that it was the rebel hunter Keera that killed the high priest!!”

...wow... gosh i was wrong... and the fact that a wanted criminal was actually at the scene... doesn’t help me at all... because once i said that one person didi it, it couldn’t possibly be someone else...oh no... i guess it was Maya who did it... for reals... not the.... wanted criminal....

...hang on, his little power rangers dance was the defiant dragons dance? how... did nobody notice this?? sadmad really was colluding with criminals wasn’t he. gosh. what a trustworthy guy.

phoenix: oh no!! his testimony was a lie!!

oh no! the testimony that did nothing but damage your case was a lie!!!

??????

sadmad: get him!

hobo ranger: (does a little hop and daintily scurries off)

sadmad: ... (takes a good five leisurely seconds to stop the background music) put everyone on high alert. i want everyone after that guy

that guy who just. skipped out of a courtroom. past hundreds of crazy people and several bailiffs.

haha... the kooraheenes police. to quote phelous... THEY’RE THE BEST!

“what was the point of all that, anyway?”

search me, phoenix.

“well, i cant help but feel that entire episode was an enormous waste of time”

hey capcom? hanging a lampshade on it doesn’t make it better. it just amplifies how much it sucks.

“yes! i recognized that piece of paper because it looks exactly like the piece i have! thats covered in blood and unrecognizable!!!”

...nice

OH AND ITS THE PERFECT FIT TO COVER THE BLOODSTAIN WELL ISNT THAT JUST FUCKIN SERENDIPITOUS

“the ignorant lawyer has not bothered to learn out language??”

well A) he's not an international attorney, B) he was on vacation, not studying abroad, and C) fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you. you’re all speaking english all the time anyway, you bunch of fuckin phoneys

i stg sadmad if you say putrid one more time i’ll cram a rotten egg down your pasty white gullet and show you the meaning of the word

“the criminal could have only escaped if the high priest helped him out, so why would he kill him?”

hey sadmad? remember that thing about using your putrid brain? yeah, doesn’t take too big a leap to realize that you might’ve just proved phoenix’s‘idiot theory’ right. maybe the priest um... was a rebel??? who was going to do just that??? and the rebel killer offed his sorry ass?

perhaps, o foolish prosecutor, you should think before you open your rancid lips... lo, in your ignorance, you will be cast down to the hell of those who are kind of stupid....... the hell of perpetual fart smell. there you shall inhale the decomposing winds of ten thousand and one accursed mihtama, while fart fetishists gaze on in envy...

oh wow i didnt even need to go on that spiel, he just admitted it straight up. but yeah, apparently when Lady Kee’ra impersonator kills a rebel, it’s A-OK. But when Maya kills a rebel, well, fuck, she’s a foreign bitch, execute her!!

also the way he said it seems to imply that he knew all along so uh

maybe people should start suspecting this guy. he seems to... know a lot of rebel criminals.

every time sadmad shakes his head i wanna break his neck

man i remember being annoyed at edgeworth in the first game and wanting to hop my desk and rough him up, but never wanting to physically maim or kill him. you suck, sadmad.

WE GOT IT, FOLKS!! WE GOT THE ASSAULT!! IT’S UM, IT’S SUPERNATURAL FORCE ASSAULT THIS TIME.

FUCK BIRDS AND SWORDS, I GUESS? ACTUAL MAGIC IS THE WAY TO GO?

hey sadmad; tickling? bondage? can we... keep that out of the courtroom please?

also“oh no! i can’t point my finger!!” phoenix cries, forgetting that he has two arms. i guess capcom won’t spring for more than one sprite tho haha

“the keera we saw was the statue draped in the sacred robes!”

with a... knife sticking out, apparently. ok..?

also gosh, maya’s really fast, tiptoeing around the abbot, draping the costume just so, then tiptoeing back around? like lightning she is!!

he just cut off his own theme song.

“she used her fiendish tricks to fool the court room”

which didn’t work at all if you remember the beginning of this court so fuck you?

“she sought to use the divination seance to mislead us!”

good going, pointing out an absolutely massive flaw in your country’s legal system, sadmad.

i cant believe we had a flashback for absolutely no other reason than Sadmad to gloat. I FILE FOR A MISTRIAL ON GROUNDS OF MISUSE OF FLASHBACKS.

please oh god just let it end i dont have enough space in my stomach for any more ulcers

i can’t stand hearing him say let it go one more time please I'm begging you

oh no... phoenix has failed... he’s going to die... it’s really going to happen...

just get to the surprise witness or whatever already

oh thank god. love you, headband guy

“the dagger bears the finger prints of maya fey!”

wow. the police suck major ass at catching running people, but their finger print checking speed is second-to-none. ...either that or they waited a while before telling people about a dead body.......

oh gosh!!! its totally maya!!! she arrived 2 years ago and so did lady keera and

yeah no. it’s not her.

but even if it was, kinda awkward there, sadmad? she’s um. kind of a hero to you.

i dont get it why is everyone freaking out. i thought the keera impersonator was considered some kind of vigilante hero? why is it suddenly bad when they“find out” it’s maya? is it because she isn't kooraheenees?

I'm honestly really confused. everyone was rooting for the masked defender one moment, but now that its maya, it’s murder??

seriously what the fuck. like the gallery was legit going“ah!! lady keera has come back to save us from the rebels!”

and then its like“its not divine its some foreign bitch in a cloak” and now its like SERIAL KILLER. also, nice. we’ve never been allowed another day in court because there was a second charge racked up. awesome. (with the possible exception of Ron Delite, tho he was changing his charge)

sadmad can go choke on his own braid and the gallery can lick their own hypocritical asses. i can’t believe i stayed up till 2 am to finish this section.

#sulking over SOJ#soj spoilers obvs]#it just keeps getting better........ and better..........

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